i can cut you into pieces, when my heart is broken.

i have a crush. on a practically married man. ack. suckiness. he has a crush on me too. but he is a gentleman, and would not do anything about it. he loves his girlfriend. and i am not a home-wrecker. but damn sometimes it is hard. i want him. but i have to back the fuck off. My mum is frustrated with me, she thinks any guy who is nice to me, i fall for. maybe she is right. its been a while since i have had someone to love or that loves me ( well actually a lie, but it FEELS long haha) i have people that want to be with me. but i don't feel the same. does that make me picky? and the one guy i feel almost could tick all boxes is off limits. but that's fine. there are plenty more single fish in the sea :D or that is at least what i keep telling myself. it is nearly 2 in the am and i still cannot sleep. my mind is in overdrive and i want to cry. this is why i do not like getting involved with people. it is easier to keep my distance. all i ever do on this is moan. thank god no one reads this shit :P

Bad Girl! Sad Blog!

I really am terrible at updating this thing. Life just gets in the way! Whats new? Whats happening? Did anyone miss me? Haha.

I have been studying, working tonnes, and even managed a trip up to Hawkes Bay! Hawkes Bay is a-maze. I feel ... happy when I am up there. It must be all the sun ;) We get sun in Wellington, but its hardly as warm or nice as Hawkes Bay.

So, Maize maze(cornevil) I drove up there(sanson) in the end with a smaller group of girls than expected (and one sole boy) and it worked well. I had my bestie A, miss racey, and bigblues... as well as zombie boy :) they all managed to pile into my car, we were going to take bigblues car, but i thought it would be better for me to drive since it was my idea, and i kinda sorta knew where we were going! boy was that a mistake. did i mention my car is small? so small that you get into the back seat, put your head back and SMASH your head against the back windscreen? Um, yeah, Whoops! But we managed to get up there in one piece :) http://www.maze.co.nz/
so that was good. it was about 93o when we got there, nice and dark. maze was scary laughing scary, my mind was going into overdrive cos of the  noises i was hearing ... whats that? what was THAT? is that someone therE? am i imagining things??? and i had A behind me, so the maize people were picking on her, shes a small girl, so they were grabbing her from the back and creeping up behind her! i was just loooooving the costumes, the actors were so into their characters and jobs! you can just imagine it is a job that they love to work and turn up 2! so jealous in that aspect. zombie boy got mauled by a zombie himself. he screamed like a girl, and fell over in his haste to run the fuck away! it was awesome. we ended up getting back to wellington about 1 in the morning, i was exhausted, but so wanna do it again. :)

honestly check the website out for some crackup pics ;)

Girls! Oiiii!

do you ever just want to just tell someone to get the F*** over it ?

I am trying to organize a get-together with a whole bunch of my girlies, including girls from work and my close girlfriends. these girls are all lovely, but some of them do not get along. i thought, this would be fine, enough of us there that they wont have to fraternize. did i think wrong! i mentioned to one of the girls that Ms S was coming, and she flat out said that she is not coming if Ms S is coming. I was really suprised, this girl is not a bitchy girl, but i obviously underestimated the hate there. So what do i do?? what can i do? She has decided she is going to come, but now there are going to be two groups divided - them and us. now i am going to worry about these two causing problems, and once again i am stuck in the middle of the two. when really i just wanna tell them both to suck it up! its for a night! a night out that should be fun and everyone is looking forward to! get over your little niggly problems and SUCK IT UP! cos now i am going to worry about this and pretty much, knowing me, let it ruin my night. oh well. and people wonder why i dont have close girlfriends. guys are sooo much easier to deal with!

i guess we will see how it all unfolds on friday! wonder how much a taxi would cost from marton to home? (hee)

random meanderings

trying to access this at work... not letting me, apparently it blocks hate and profanity. hmm... must watch my language.

so my birthday came and went, finally scraped together enough money to buy my pretty skates. now the fun part, waiting and seeing if the skates fit my obnoxiously huge feet. i cant wait. i have been missing skating so much, its crazy. even though when 2pm comes around and i know im going to be skating in a hour, and i feel uninspired and just want to crawl under my duvet and hibernate, i know that if i push myself to go, i will enjoy myself tonnes.

i have seen whip it twice now. and it makes me want to learn how to roller derby soooo much more. but when i see the girls that do it now (RCRD) and them skinny, fit and fast girls flying round the tracks, i die a little inside. cos i am fat, unfit and slow and i feel i could never live up to that kind of potential.

in other news, i am now a single gal, (my choice) and i still feel like it may have been the wrong decision. i miss the boy, and feel lost and uncertain. but then thats what happens when you break up with someone. i guess i have kinda lost track of everything this year (2010, already, shit.) and i truly hope that this year will  pick up for me.

cooooo... arent they puuuurty!

and i have gone totally blank so i will end this post with.....

"Hey kid! POW!"

Cougar Town... Hee... funniest part of it unfortunately.

Ten things for 2010!

Ten things I wish to achieve in 2010

1. To become more awesome at Roller Derby
2. To attend the Blood and Thunder training camp (this helps abovementioned goal)
3. To get fitter and more hot!
4. To work on myself mentally (no more putting myself down)
5. To start saving so i can aupair overseas
6. Move outta home! (again!)
7. Learn to hula hoop (there are classes on this! woop!)
8.  Meet tons of new fabu people
9. Save? Did i mention you? Cos you are a big priority this year!!
10. Enjoy this year!

what do you do when a friend has been torn down unecessarily? i have this beautiful bright friend who has just finished her mastersafter 6 years of study who has been working at my work for about 6 months or more. She initiated a meeting with the head honcho of this workplace to see if she can work something out for the future - to be basically told that she wont get anywhere unless she goes back to school and study. got told to leave pretty much. she is upset. manager was really blunt and mean about the whole thing. i hate working here sometimes.

I have girl crushes, many many.

so, i went to the roller derby on saturday night. Oh. My. God. if i thought i wanted to do roller derby before, i am even more determined to do it now. the crashing! the excitement! the lovely 

lovely legs..... uhh... haha. i am in awe. Ginger tonyx. what a minx! haha. all the girls were just awe inspiring! and the ones i have met have been sooo nice! the best thing about saturday night is that i met some new people, and i am going out again on friday night with them! i feel happier than i have been in a long time and i can only hope and wish it gets better! watch this space... there may be a bad karma in me after all :D

ginger tonyx! *fangirl squeal*

the loverly miss savage! hee 

i used to go

to school with her, sweetest thing ever!

*these were all taken from ritcher city roller derby photostream on flickr!